CHAPTER ONE..  LORD OF THE MINGS

bumblegrubb dander fluff was unhappy.very unhappy.he had been up all night trying to get the damn ariel on his new sky box to work."OH FOR FRODOS SAKE"he bellowed,as he fell off his leather poof onto his beloved grandma"saggyskin danderberry"."mind yourself love,"peeped grandma."shut your wrinkly old hole,you creaking waste of hair"spake bumblegrubb.bumblegrubb was wellknown for being a bit of a swine with people.bumblegrubb looked tired.his 3 foot frame hunched over his tremendous love handles.his big frig-off ginger sideys looked remarkable."get the fook out of here granny!"he said as he pushed the old dear out onto the main road."ill have to take this frigging thing back to dixens.sky digital my hairy arse.thats the last time they rip me off.bastards,"

just as bumblegrubb settled down for a bit of one-handed fun,his brand new mobile phone began to tremble.it was a text message.MEET ME AT THE OLD TOWN HALL it read.FROM POPPY."what does he want?bumble thought,pulling up his kecks over his hairy gobbit stiffy.as he arrived at the town hall,he noticed three figures ahead of him."poppy?is that you?"he whispered.whos that with you?"of course its me"poppy replied."ive brought tumblechubb and olo.""those two tossers?what are we doing here?"bumblegrubb asked wearily."ive found something,its a secret,you cant tell anyone,you big-mouthed piss ant."poppy replied."okay i promise not to tell a soul.now,what have you found?"its horrible,apparently,its called a minger.""a what?"bumblegrubb asked."a minger"poppy repeated.

CHAPTER TWO  ONE MING TO RULE THEM ALLL......

 a minger?does that mean horribly ugly?"yes it does"replied poppy."it means dog-frigging rough""a rough as a badgers arse?"spake olo whitfurrows."aye".now bumblegrubb seemed bastardly confused.so youve brought me and these to fook-nuts here to witness this fugly abomination?whatever for?asked bumblegrubb."because if we dont destroy the arse badger,it will spread and infest our shire.now pass me the one ming to rule them all""eh?replted bumble"what one ming?""you know"poppy said sternly."no i chuffing well dont"spake bumblegrubb.im off home to have a barclays"huffed the fat ginger chuffer.my love handles need attending to"he shouted as he raced off,quickly undoing his pants ,coaxing out his grubby chubby.i know jolly well what he means,but he aint getting em,he thought.he knew poppy meant his massive juice stained jazz-mags.only they contain the power to rid the shire of theses horrid lurid "mingers".as bumblegrubb sank to his knees,face puffing,brow soaked with sweat,olo and tumblechubb barged straight in to his room,"cripes"said bumblegrubb!"im on me vinegars!with an almighty groan,bumble let rip his gobbits-milk,right in olos face!"crumbs!"remarked olo,his hairy face covered in jizz,"that was your fault,"bumblegrubb said,wiping his cummy fingers on his grans slippers,"you shouldnt have barged in !im not giving you my mags!"but it was too late,that little dirt-pipe tumblechubb has frigged off with them tucked stainingly under his arm."here poppy"he said."i got em!"nice work tumblechubb.nice work!"poppy exclaimed.                                                                                                                                                            poppy placed the mags at the foot of the minger and set fire to them.they went up a treat.flames as big as your house they were."crimmins"commented tumblechubb.oh no!the flames are spreading like olos cock rash"im off!the little shat-kicker ran off and left poppy to take the blame."chuff this"spake poppy."ill write a note saying bumblegrubb did it!yes yes,that should get me right off the hook."

CHAPTER THREE    JAILBIRD

the following day bumblegrubb scratched his arse,and flopped his morning glory into the piss-pot."thats strange,he thought.i can smell burning gobbit flesh.as he looked out of the window he noticed the whole damn town had burned right to the feeking ground."oh boy"sighed bumblegrubb,knowing full well that he would get the blame."hands in the air asshole"shouted pc goocho,the local plod.before poor bumble could explain,he was being gang banged in the local cells."ooh my arse"he complained as the fifth person in a row entered his chocolate factory."this wasnt me!im innocent!"he wailed."sure you are!and im mary friggin poppins!"replied the guard."really?"asked bumble."you look much more hairy in real life".

as grandma coughed up £10,000 for bumbles bail,she thought who would place the blame on her lardy big gobbed grandson."it cant of been nice poppy,olo or tumblechubb,"she thought."they are lovely boys,even though olo reeks of pork pies."and that scruffy tumblechubb.he wants to meet a nice young boy,the little cock lover."it cant of been poppy though,hes far too respected,"she thought."although,maybe thats what he wants us to think,ill go and see if tumblechubb will sing like a canary."

so off she went to interrogate little tumblechubb shortstaff.on arriving at his hovel she stumbled across him making sweet love to an oven glove."you know you want it"he whispered as he thrust his red end into the mitten."anybody home?"asked grandma.tumble turned round,face all red from the sheer embarrassment of the grim situation he found himself in."nobody here"he said,desperatley trying to get the old coffin-dodger out of his stinking pit."you cant fool me,you glove shagger""i want answers,and i want them now."grandma emerged from tumblechubbs abode thoroughly satisfied.she hadnt got any information,but she did get a steaming snatch of cock!

"ill go and see if poppy knows anything"she thought."oh poppy!""what are you doing?"she asked"burying evidence"he replied."ill make sure that ginger freek gets 25 to life!""but hes my grandson!you cant!" i chuffing well can.poppy snorted.HACK!poppy buried the spade in grandmas prune-like chops!as she slumped to the floor,poppy threw her in the hole he had been digging."poppy,poppy!!"it was bumblegrubb,fresh out on bail."ive been framed!""what your on itv?"youll get £250!" no no "replied bumble,some shit-witch burned down the village,then framed me for it!"thats terrible"poppy answered."what are you doing out here?"bumble asked."murdering your grandma"poppy replied cooly.

CHAPTER FOUR   FACE OFF

"murdering my grandma?"bumblegrubb asked?thats a shit trick that!whats she ever done to you?""well"replied poppy"if you look down the line,she had your mum,then your mum had you,so inflicting you on the world.id say that qualifies for instant death!"bumblegrubb was hurt.he knew something was wrong.poppy smelt funny.almost as if hed smuggled six pork-pies up his hairy ring.was it poppy?poppy hated pork pies."i know someone who loves pork pies"he thought.that bum bandit olo whitfurrows.yes it all seems clear..your not poppy...your olo."ha--haaa!you got it in one you ginger mess!"olo removed his poppy mask."what have you done with poppy!it was you who burned the village down!not poppy!it was you who set me up!""yep!all me.me.me.me."olos breath smelt of only the finest pork pies."ive made sure tumblechubb and poppy are safe.very safe"spake olo.now lardy"he said."time to die.

olo lurched at bumble and stuck his fook-off big pitch fork right up his ring!"jeepers!my farmers!"he cried."that massive bumming i recieved today has set em right off!"olo launched his patented pork-pie gun at poor bumble,his ass begging for mercy.whack!bumble got 3 pork-pies right in the chuffer!"your gonna pay for that olo"said bumblegrubb.bumblegrubb turned away from olo,whipped his undercrackers off and parted his arsecheeks.with an almighty huff and a massive puff(oo-er) he strained like hed never strained before.pop!out popped one of his piles,ready...aim...smack!he knocked olo into the grave he had been digging,his spade and pitchfork stabbing him right in the willy.with his last words he uttered...gasp...you have ...not...seen...the last of me....buddy.....gasp.that was it.olo was no more.

tumblechubb and poppy came running right over.the foul stench of death lingered in poppys nose."that guy reeks of come!"spake poppy."i know said bumblegrubb!"i just ejaculated on his dead face"im sad grandma was brutally murdered said tumblechubb,she was a cracking shag!look her teeth are still attached to my bell-end."so with a hearty step and a happy hop,the three remaining gobbit skipped off together for some ass-ripping fun.bagzi the gimp!shouted tumblechubb cheerily."oh dont worry about whos the gimp!"said poppy"aye,said bumblegrubb."you sure have a pretty mouth.

and that my friends,is that.the minger banished,olo dead,grandmas rotting corpse still warm,our 3 young adventures will be back another day.will poppy unearth another strange being?will bumblegrubb get his sky digital working,and will tumblechubb stopping banging grandma?until next time necropheliacs......goodnight.